Well…. Yes. I have been slacking on keeping you guys updated. Life gets busy. But that is no excuse…I am VERY sorry! Now that all of the mushy-gushy apology stuff is out of the way, I’ll give you an update on the last 2 months…
Long story short, My dad had another MRI done and unfortunately it did show a little spot that was different… which as you can imagine was a HUGE downer. The doctor reassured us that this is normal for the tumor to start forming again and she hoped that the radiation had killed it… But, she wanted to make sure that it wasn’t growing and ordered another MRI three weeks later. After three weeks, not going to lie a little nervous… my dad had another MRI. When the doctor walked into the room this time, the atmosphere had completely changed. She Said, ” LOOKS GOOD!” Those two words just made me want to cry. This tumor has got nothing on God.
Recently, my dad has been going through double dose chemo. When he is on his “Chemo week” he goes into hibernation. Literally… sleeping for days, but still his JOYFUL self. This past week was his chemo week… and he started to get a cold. But what can’t a little prayer and Jesus fix? Like I said, cancer has got nothing on God’s power. By Friday night it was like my dad was back to his old self, (btw..Dad… if you’re reading this I’m not calling you old)… loud singing, and can’t forget the TERRIBLE dance moves. To be honest, I don’t even think I can call it dancing. All he does is move his feet back and forth. Imagine someone getting gum stuck to the bottom of their feet and can’t get it off.. yeah thats my dad’s “dancing” in a nutshell.
It hasn’t been all smiles though… more like we are on an emotional roller coaster that seems to be never ending. You become emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. When people ask, “How is everything going? How are you doing?” All I can really say is.. “Well, each day is a new day.” The first thing I do in the morning, besides laying in bed for 20 min after my alarm goes off… is go check on my dad and see how he is feeling. Some days are crappy and others are awesome. Learning how to build ENDURANCE for those crappy days has been the biggest struggle.
To put it into perspective, this is what I wrote in my journal on October 7th…
“It’s almost like when you start running. Once you start, you stay constant. You build up endurance and start to crave to run. You want to work out because you love the feeling. But one day, you trip and fall and sprain your ankle.. now what?… you can’t run. You lose all endurance and motivation because you aren’t staying constant; focused. Then once you are healed… It takes awhile to become motivated again. Once you are motivated, it takes a good week and a half to crave it again. And after all of this… you have built endurance.”
Not only does this describe my emotional journey during this season of my life, but, it mostly describes my relationship with Jesus. I get such a spiritual high that I become “ALL OUT” for God. I don’t care who I talk to, what I do, or how crazy I look, as long as I am doing it for the Lord. These spiritual highs are when I feel like I am thriving in life. I feel the power of His LOVE…the love that I CRAVE.
How can I talk about thriving in life when my dad has brain cancer? Well you know… besides the fact that it has been an emotional roller coaster…the Lord has taught me one thing: we go through these trials so that God can SHOW himself and we end building a DEEPER relationship with Him. It isn’t just the cliche prayer saying, “Yes Jesus, I accept you into my heart,” read your Bible, go to church on Sunday, and doing all of the Christian “must do’s,” blah blah blah…etc…. NO!!! Jesus wants me. He wants a deeper relationship than just checking off the “must do” list. We should CRAVE to be in the presence of the Lord DAILY… to be so INTIMATE with Him… to DESIRE to be his sons and daughters. He has so much more planned for our lives if we just learn to WAKE UP and CRAVE him every morning.
James 1:2-3 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”